


Coexist, these things cannot

by Jyou_no_Sonoko



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Christian Mythology, Christianity, Crisis of Faith, Disillusionment, Gen, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Religion, Tfw when your co-habitating QP partner is the first woman, and has first-hand experience of the cruelty of God, and it's not a good vibe, and later as the only solace you could find, and now the two are rubbing up against each other, and you just fell into Christianity by default, conflict of faith, hebrew mythology, loss of childhood, marith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-09
Updated: 2020-11-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:06:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,617
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27477763
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jyou_no_Sonoko/pseuds/Jyou_no_Sonoko
Summary: Dialogues, set after the completion of"Answers for Mary", where Lilith's lived experience comes up against Mary's lifetime of faith. Included are links to audio performances of each scene, which do I feel enhance the effect of the scenes, even though ymmv on the actual voices.
Relationships: Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith/Original Mary Wardwell
Comments: 14
Kudos: 11
Collections: Marithember2020





	Coexist, these things cannot

[audio](https://drive.google.com/file/d/1NDiS-RIMq1-8FYH9DmSFZeM5-7zZ64TC/view?usp=sharing)

Lilith: You must realise that you cannot believe what I've told you, about how he treated me, and still remain loyal to both of us. Don't you?  
Mary: Of course I believe you.  
Lilith: He took my intended's side against me, Mary. He replaced me when I did not surrender my agency. He replaced me rather than seek to understand me, and cast me out, to suffer and die, without a care.  
Mary: I know, Lilith, I'm sorry! I know all that.  
Lilith: Yet still, you won't denounce him?  
Mary: It's not so simple.  
Lilith: Isn't it?  
Mary: I've been a Christian my entire life. I was raised to believe, and to follow.  
Lilith: Moulded into obedience. How is that worth fighting for?  
Mary: It's what I knew was right. It's what I was taught, to give my life a moral direction.  
Lilith: You've never needed to be told what was moral. You know with every breath you take. And, really, when were you ever so devout?  
Mary: Well, I'll admit I was more drawn to seek comfort in worship after I came back. From _Hell_. And found that nothing made sense and nobody could help me.  
Lilith: And so you turned to the invisible hand of guidance, and hoped to be steered to the truth.  
Mary: Is that so wrong?  
Lilith: ...When else?  
Mary: When I was a child. My family would all pray together. Over meals. And before bed, to protect us in our sleep.  
Lilith: _Well._  
Mary: We did it as a _family_ , Lilith. It bound us together. It meant something to them, so it meant something to me.  
Lilith: And when else?  
Mary: When... I went to the city. After they died. When I tried to join the rest of the modern world, and adventure beyond just the pages of books.  
Lilith: But it was not for you.  
Mary: No, it wasn't. I was miserable. And afraid and alone.  
Lilith: So again you turned to him for comfort. Rather than seek out others like yourself.  
Mary: How could I possibly trust that there was anyone like me, in that giant, cold city? How was I to find them? Just roam the streets, crying out to anyone else who looked like they were as lost as I was?  
Lilith: It seems somehow more logical than requesting aid from a source just as cold and indifferent.  
Mary: Well, it helped. Or... felt like it did.  
Lilith: You comforted yourself, Mary. He had no part in it.  
Mary: I didn't know that. I had no way of knowing that.  
Lilith: But you do now. And you can make that choice now.  
Mary: I just...  
Lilith: Please. Why would you... why would you choose him?  
Mary: Because it's all I've ever known. Is that so strange? And wrong?  
Lilith: ...  
Mary: Well?  
Lilith: No. I can understand the reason. It is a valid reason and I won't fault you there. But now, he is no longer all you know. You also know me.  
Mary: But... is it even safe? To turn my back on a god who is said to be both merciful and vengeful?  
Lilith: He has only ever been merciful in his own interests.  
Mary: But is it? If I cross him, will he not punish me?  
Lilith: _You?_ Mary, you're... well, you're an insect, to him. Barely that. Crawling out of the sand, amongst millions of other insects, who will, from his perspective, be dead in the blink of an eye. Why should he waste his time personally torturing you?  
Mary: Are you sure about that? Because... the Bible certainly has many stories about once pious men who turned their backs on God. And their suffering was great.  
Lilith: A book written by men, to frighten men.  
Mary: But with words delivered to them from higher powers.  
Lilith: Perhaps, some of the words. But it is no use trying to decipher that now. And it doesn't change the fact that he--  
Mary: I know.  
Lilith: You say you do. So why do I still hear it in your voice?  
Mary: What?  
Lilith: That wretched loyalty. To a father figure absent at best, and needlessly cruel at worst?  
Mary: He...  
Lilith: ...  
Mary: Give me some time. All right? Lilith?  
Lilith: Time to decide, whether to stay loyal to he who cast me out?  
Mary: No. Time to... well. Say goodbye. Make my peace.  
Lilith: ...  
Mary: Can you accept that? To give me your patience?  
Lilith: I could never deny you my patience.  
Mary: I'm glad. Because I'm going to need a while to unravel my life, remove those threads, and weave it back together again.  
Lilith: And I suppose you'll want to do that on your own.  
Mary: However else?  
Lilith: Well. Thank you. I appreciate your sacrifice.  
Mary: Honestly? You should. Because this is going to hurt me.  
Lilith: Can I do anything to... reduce that hurt?  
Mary: No. Just let me figure it out. And, I suppose, know that I might still slip, from time to time. Without meaning to.  
Lilith: Of course.  
Mary: And you can't hold it against me. All right? Do you promise me that?  
Lilith: I could never.  
Mary: I worry that you could.  
Lilith: Well, then I promise. On my every word.  
Mary: All right.  
Lilith: Mary?  
Mary: Yes?  
Lilith: Thank you.  
Mary: You already thanked me.  
Lilith: There will never be thanks enough.  


[audio](https://drive.google.com/file/d/16ccclL8_TGe65IoBJuOdm1XmVfVuTp36/view?usp=sharing)

Lilith: Mary? Are you awake?  
Mary: Yes.  
Lilith: Can I... come in?  
Mary: Why not.  
Lilith:...  
Mary: I'm sorry. Yes, please come in.  
Lilith: If you'd rather still be alone, I can leave. I can go away for a while, to the forest or...  
Mary: It's fine. Really. Come in and close the door. Please.  
Lilith: Does your head hurt?  
Mary: It does. And the light seems to make it worse.  
Lilith: I can understand that. The dark can be very soothing.  
Mary: It can.  
Lilith:...  
Mary: Lilith, stop hovering. You don't have to keep your distance. I'm not angry.  
Lilith: You'd have every right to be.  
Mary: Would I? I'm not so sure about that. Thinking about it, you were really being quite reasonable. Why should I fight so hard for something that's ultimately never achieved anything in my life?  
Lilith: That's not how it sounded earlier. You said you found comfort in it.  
Mary: And you said the comfort was something I did for myself.  
Lilith: Yes. But you didn't know that, when it mattered.  
Mary: Even so... I'm not sure it was very kind of me to put my feelings ahead of your lived experiences. If I tried for a moment to imagine being in your shoes, back then--  
Lilith: Please don't.  
Mary: Of course you wouldn't want me to worship him. When he treated you so poorly. So horribly.  
Lilith: Please stop. Mary, it's fine. That's... quite literally ancient history.  
Mary: Or put another way, it's your childhood.  
Lilith: I was never a child.  
Mary: I think you were. And that's why what he did was even worse. What they did.  
Lilith:...  
Mary: Come on. There's plenty of room.  
Lilith: If you're sure.  
Mary: Name me one time I've chased you from my bed?  
Lilith: Well. No. Not you.  
Mary: And I'm not going to start tonight.  
Lilith: All right.  
Mary: ...  
Lilith: ...  
Mary: What are you looking at?  
Lilith: Nothing. There's nothing to see. It's too dark.  
Mary: Nothing?  
Lilith: No.  
Mary: I'm rather surprised.  
Lilith: At what?  
Mary: That you're not a better liar.  
Lilith:...  
Mary: What are you looking at?  
Lilith: The Wastes. They stretch further than the human eye can bear.  
Mary: And what are you doing there?  
Lilith: Hiding.  
Mary: From?  
Lilith: Angels. Circling up above.  
Mary: What do they want?  
Lilith: I don't know. I'm too afraid to find out.  
Mary: Will they leave?  
Lilith: Eventually. They have better things to do than hunt for vermin.  
Mary: Lilith, stop.  
Lilith: I suppose he had to make sure I wasn't trying to claw my way back in.  
Mary: Enough. Come back.  
Lilith:...  
Mary: Come back here.  
Lilith: I am.  
Mary: Are you sure?  
Lilith: Yes.  
Mary: Then come closer, so I can be sure too.  
Lilith: How's this?  
Mary: That's good.  
Lilith: And... this?  
Mary: Good. You're good.  
Lilith:...  
Mary: It's all right. I'm not angry, and you don't have to leave. Ever.  
Lilith:...  
Mary: You're home. And so am I. Do you understand?  
Lilith: I'm trying to.  
Mary: Even if it takes a while, eventually, it's going to feel like home. Even if it takes _me_ a while, to work through some things.  
Lilith: You shouldn't have to change for me. For my comfort.  
Mary: Silly Lilith.  
Lilith: What?  
Mary: That's how people grow. Remember?  
Lilith: Ah. Yes. People do.  
Mary: Yes, we do.  
Lilith: We do.  
Mary: The blanket, it's--  
Lilith: I've got it.  
Mary: Thanks.  
Lilith: Is this--  
Mary: Yes, thank you.  
Lilith: All right.  
Mary: And do you have--  
Lilith: Yes.  
Mary: Good. Is it safe, do you think? For us to maybe... try and get some sleep?  
Lilith: I... think perhaps it will be. And I will be vigilant. If anything seems amiss, I'll...  
Mary: You'll come get me.  
Lilith: I will.  
Mary: And if they come for you? The nightmares, I mean.  
Lilith: Well.  
Mary: Lilith. I've told you, it's allowed.  
Lilith: But are you really sure?  
Mary: I am. If they come for you, you can walk into my dreams. And we'll wait them out together.  
Lilith: If they follow me...  
Mary: I'm not afraid. They're not after me. Remember?  
Lilith:...  
Mary: Come on. Let's go.  
Lilith:...  
Mary:...  
Lilith: Good night. Mary Wardwell.  
Mary: Good night, First Witch.


End file.
